Anatomy of a Double Shift

9:00 AM: Haha, suckers, sleeping with the lights on worked and I even have time to shower. 

9:15 AM: *back up alarm goes off, asleep-me gets up, turns it off and walks back to bed*

9:30 AM: Dammit. 

9:47 AM: Eyeliner in the morning is a precise measure of…right eye, can you not? 

9:52 AM: I wonder how many yoga pants I have clean. Let’s count. Did I take a picture of that thing? Gotta drink some water. Who needs SNACKS?? 

10:15 AM: How did it get so late?

10:57 AM: Yesterday, get on a train that ends up at Northeastern, sprint across the park and arrive eight minutes late. Today, do not wear headphones and show up on time. Progress. 

11:00 AM - 11:30 AM: *caffeine-induced haze*

11:35 AM: Bar-crawl number one is set to arrive. I feel hungry. We have not brought enough snacks for this endeavor. 

Noon: Bar-crawl number one cancelled. Out of snacks. Fifteen hours to go. 

2:15 PM: “Can I close my tab?”

        “Sure, what’s the last name?”

        “Like Batman?”

3:45 PM: Someone asks for a “Sauvignon Blank.” 


5:08 PM - 5:40 PM: *transition back from starved-ghost-person to real-person-who-can-talk*

5:53 PM: “Two beers under Bud Light.”

        “Under Bud Light?”

        (gesturing a shelf) “Yeah, two beers, under, Bud Light.”

       “Are you asking for something cheaper than Bud Light?”


       “Oh, we don’t have anything cheaper than Bud Light.”

       “Oh, I’ll take two Bud Lights, then.”

6:00 PM: Seven hours down, nine to…don’t ever say that again. 

6:21 PM: *bathroom break after drinking four million cups of water* WHO LET ME WEAR MY HAIR LIKE THIS? And why does no one tell me when I have makeup smudged under my eye? Right eye, stop being weird. 

7:02 PM: “It’s kind of a complicated order.”

        “It’s OK.”

        (sighing deeply) “OK, a Hendricks and tonic—“

        (Girl, interrupting) “Blue Moon!”

        “No, no one has a Blue Moon. A Hendricks—“

        “A Blue Moon!”

        “What? No, no Blue Moon. No one ordered that.” 

        (Girl wanders away)

        “A Hendricks and tonic, a Tito’s and soda, a Tito’s and seltzer, a vodka cranberry, and a Bud Light.”

        “Soda and seltzer are the same thing here, so you want two Tito’s soda, a vodka cranberry, and a Bud Light draft or bottle?”


        (Girl, wandering back): “Vodka soda!”

8:58 PM: I tell someone they can’t order food because the kitchen is closing at 11 PM. 

Actual 11 PM: This is what it feels like to be old, right? Creating various angles to avoid being upright, seven different ways of launching toward the ground? There are 140 bones in my foot and they are all pushed against the edge of my sopped and stinky shoe. 

1:10 AM: “Can you make these shots - half Dr.’s, half Frangelico, a splash of Bailey’s, and half blue curaçao?”

        “Those amounts don’t add up, but I can see where you’re going with this. How many do you want?”


1:45 AM: Last call. There are three girls swaying with each other, singing Lil’ Wayne at the top of their lungs. 

3:00 AM: Let’s count money and…oh hey, left eye, not a fan of the eyeliner either, I see. Glad we’re all caught up here.